Belonging

Starting this in the middle (okay, at my age, past the middle by a year or two) of the events that make up my life, there is a lot about these posts that won't make sense if a stranger reads it. This isn't an autobiography, though, so I'm not quite sure how much bacground to give.

In any event, belonging to something more than myself has always been important to me. Growing up, parts of my family were close and active with friends. We often had people over to play cards, eat dinner, play games...but almost all were excuses to talk and socialize more than to play the actual games. As I grew older, this happened less and less as television began to chip away at the time people spent socializing with one another. I began to socialize a lot with people at church instead.

At college, I experimented with church in Williamsburg, but never found one that felt like home. I also tried joining a gay/lesbian student support group that met at the local Catholic church weekly, but never felt at home there or socialized with anyone outside those meetings. In the end, it was Circle K that filled that need for social interaction.

After college, it was people from work - and that pattern continued to this day. At times, the Carolina Bear Lodge has played a role in that, but you can't seem to seperate sex from socializing with CBL. I love sex, mind you, but it isn't all that I'm about - and it's not all that I need in my life. I have felt there was something missing throughout the years. I've tried various churches, but none of them felt like home. None of them seemed to welcome me as a gay man either...even the Metropolitan Community Church didn't feel welcoming, even though they have a special ministry to gays and lesbians.

I'm proud and happy to say today that I do feel that I belong, though. I found a wonderful church through my friends Ed and Tim. It is Chapel Hill Christian Church. I started attending there early this year, and from the minute I walked in the door, I felt welcomed and at home. This feeling has never faltered. Through my breakup in the spring with my partner, the pastors and congregants have been there for me, showing genuine care and concern for me. Today, I joined the church formally, and it feels absolutely wonderful to belong again. After church, as is our habit, a group of us went to the Armadillo Grill in Carrboro for lunch, and sitting there with a pastor at the table, talking openly and freely about ALL aspects of my life was so freeing. These are a group of people who truly fit with my understanding of Christ, his love and what he truly taught us about being Christian. It isn't about form, or rules, or who's better...it's about love, helping others, not hurting them, and about belonging to a group that collectiviely wants all good things. It feels so good to belong to that again.